1 00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:11,767 - It's that time of year, love birds. 2 00:00:11,767 --> 00:00:13,433 The annual Shirley Chisholm Dance is coming. 3 00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:16,367 Remember, boys are not permitted to say no 4 00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:18,900 if asked to the dance. Happy hunting, beezys. 5 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,367 - This some ol' bullshit. 6 00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:22,267 When are men gonna get their way in this country? 7 00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:23,767 - This what women been fighting for-- 8 00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:24,567 the right to choose. 9 00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:26,333 And since Randy's out of town, 10 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:27,533 Cindy's got no choice but to ask me. 11 00:00:27,533 --> 00:00:30,333 That's why I wore my Michael Jordan cologne. 12 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:31,700 Man, that shit stink. 13 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,600 That's why that nig's always crying on the internet. 14 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,600 Ah! - Now that women can choose, 15 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,633 it's gonna be like the NBA Draft, 16 00:00:38,633 --> 00:00:40,633 and you know I'ma be a thottery pick. 17 00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:45,633 - Jamal! 18 00:00:45,633 --> 00:00:47,000 - Oh, shit. - And it looks like 19 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,167 you're about to be drafted by the Memphis Grizzlies. 20 00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:50,633 - I'm taking yo thick ass 21 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:53,467 to the Shirley Chisholm Dance, motherfucker. 22 00:00:53,467 --> 00:00:55,500 - Who the fuck is Shirley Chisholm anyway? 23 00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,667 And why does this porn star get her own dance? 24 00:00:57,667 --> 00:00:59,133 - She did the first interracial blowjob. 25 00:00:59,133 --> 00:01:02,267 She was the Jackie Robinson of porn. 26 00:01:02,267 --> 00:01:04,933 - Okay, first off, y'all are stupid. 27 00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:07,367 Shirley Chisholm was Secretary of the House Democratic Caucus, 28 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:10,500 a member of both the House of Representatives 29 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,067 and the New York State Assembly. 30 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:14,400 She also ran for President. 31 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,333 - Wow, she ran for President and sucked dick for a living? 32 00:01:16,333 --> 00:01:20,067 Talk about a modern woman. - Anyway, Grover, 33 00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,533 I was gonna go with Randy, but he's wild and out 34 00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:24,667 at the Nick Cannon Comedy Conference in Delaware. 35 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:27,467 And since I don't like any of the other guys in school, 36 00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:31,133 I was wondering if you weren't busy Saturday night, 37 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:34,067 if you'd like to... 38 00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,167 - Go to the dance with me? - Huh? 39 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,167 - Oh, hell nah. 40 00:01:46,267 --> 00:01:47,100 This must be what Biggie felt like, 41 00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,433 'cause I'm ready to die. 42 00:01:48,433 --> 00:01:50,967 I can't go to the dance with no crackhead. 43 00:01:50,967 --> 00:01:52,367 - Look on the bright side. Crack creates legends, 44 00:01:52,367 --> 00:01:56,433 like DMX, Lawrence Taylor, and Marion Barry. 45 00:01:56,433 --> 00:01:58,700 - Shit, Cracky might win a Grammy, 46 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,267 or she might become the next Mayor of D.C. 47 00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:02,433 - Well, unless she gonna turn into 48 00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:04,667 Whitney Houston by Saturday, I'm fucked. 49 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,167 - I don't wanna go to the dance with you. 50 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,267 - Your body, my choice. 51 00:02:08,267 --> 00:02:09,867 - I wish one of these chicks would come out 52 00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:11,733 and try to body me. 53 00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:13,367 To hell with a Shirley Chisholm Dance. 54 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,267 - Uh, Milk... - Oh, hell no. 55 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:20,067 - But-- - No, before you even ask... 56 00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:21,400 ain't no way I'm going to the dance 57 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,100 with a dickless version of Jamal. 58 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,233 Now take both of your chocolate boxes, and kick rocks. 59 00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:28,400 - This wigger! 60 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,767 - I'm telling you, 61 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,533 it's this whole Shirley Chisholm Dance thing. 62 00:02:31,533 --> 00:02:34,900 The fact that they get to choose empowers them. 63 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:37,267 It's like bears coming out of hibernation, 64 00:02:37,267 --> 00:02:39,367 and we ain't nothing but some salmon, my nigs. 65 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,067 - Aye, Griselda, what it smell like? 66 00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:46,100 - Shit, smell good. 67 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:47,700 What them stank balls do? 68 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:51,067 - Oh, word, I ain't know you was coming like that. 69 00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:52,500 You single? - Not no more. 70 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,067 I'm choosing you to go to the dance with me. 71 00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:58,067 Now gimme that tongue, nigga. 72 00:02:58,067 --> 00:03:00,800 Walk me to class. - Okay, then. 73 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,167 - I thought you said you wasn't gonna let no chick claim you. 74 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,133 - You see that ass, though, my nig? 75 00:03:05,133 --> 00:03:06,733 - Don't you slap my man. 76 00:03:06,733 --> 00:03:08,633 I love this bitch. 77 00:03:08,633 --> 00:03:11,067 - Man, if Milk snagged Griselda, 78 00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:13,767 I know I'm 'bout to be in there, pimp. 79 00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:15,467 Peep game. 80 00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:18,100 You wanna wet dicks and chill? Ah! 81 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,200 Trying to Hulu and chili? Ah! 82 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,833 You trying to disappoint your daddy? 83 00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:23,467 Ah! 84 00:03:23,467 --> 00:03:26,733 Aye, baby, how 'bout you and I, uh-- 85 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:31,100 You are fucking hilarious. 86 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,767 - Damn, I would've fucked her too. 87 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,933 - Jamal! 88 00:03:40,933 --> 00:03:43,433 - Aye, your girl's bellowing. Stop fighting it, Jamal. 89 00:03:43,433 --> 00:03:44,300 You know you going with big drawls. 90 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:47,867 - Never that! 91 00:03:47,867 --> 00:03:51,633 Don't tell anyone I'm in here. 92 00:03:51,633 --> 00:03:53,067 - Just a reminder, guys, 93 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,800 the Shirley Chisholm Dance is just three days away. 94 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,800 There are still some available suitors left, 95 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,167 like Jank Eye Jarvis and Jamal. 96 00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:02,400 - Uh, at least I'm going. 97 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,733 - Keep the change. - What up, Cindy? 98 00:04:04,733 --> 00:04:05,800 You find anyone to go to the dance with? 99 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,400 - Not yet. Still deciding. 100 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,067 I have a lot of options. 101 00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:13,467 I got two terabytes of dick pics to sift through. 102 00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:16,100 Oh, great, here's another one. 103 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:19,400 No, wait, it's just a picture of an uncircumcised pepperoni. 104 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,433 - Be right back. I need more light. 105 00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:22,667 - Too bad you going with Cracky. 106 00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,600 It would've been much easier going with you. 107 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:25,900 We could've had fun. 108 00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:28,800 - So if, uh, Cracky doesn't go to the dance, 109 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:29,733 does that mean you'll go with me? 110 00:04:29,733 --> 00:04:31,167 - We'll never know, will we? 111 00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:34,067 See you later, new booty. 112 00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:38,600 - Looks like I'm the only one 113 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,500 that's gonna go to the dance and get some. 114 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,767 But don't worry, Grove, I'll let you smell the nine. 115 00:04:42,767 --> 00:04:44,467 - I don't want Cracky's crack. I want Cindy's. 116 00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:46,567 I guess I gotta go over to her house 117 00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:48,200 and break a crackhead's heart. 118 00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:52,267 - What are you doing? Lipstick doesn't go there. 119 00:04:52,267 --> 00:04:54,067 - I'm just trying to fix myself up. 120 00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:55,200 - Girl, you look like the puppet from "Saw." 121 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,600 - I was going for Lil' Kim. 122 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,667 - The puppet from "Saw" is cuter. 123 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:00,800 - I know he's only going to the dance with me 124 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,767 'cause he has to. I want him to like me. 125 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:06,667 - Well, Cracky, that's what makeup, weaves, fake asses, 126 00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,567 and non-surgical facelifts are for. 127 00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:09,833 We use that to get the boys interested, 128 00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,567 but keeping them is all about what's on the inside. 129 00:05:12,567 --> 00:05:15,567 - On the inside? You mean like Methadone? 130 00:05:15,567 --> 00:05:17,800 - No, girl, I mean your good qualities. 131 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,867 Once what's on the inside gets out, 132 00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:22,433 Grover can see you for who you really are. 133 00:05:22,433 --> 00:05:24,267 - I'm more than a girl with a pipe dream. 134 00:05:24,267 --> 00:05:27,433 I have a real dream that happens to include a pipe. 135 00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:29,300 Help me, Cindy. - I've got an idea. 136 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:30,733 I'm gonna give you a makeover. 137 00:05:30,733 --> 00:05:33,067 Let's start with eyebrows, 'cause, girl, you need some. 138 00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:04,867 Now you're ready. 139 00:06:04,867 --> 00:06:06,333 - 'Bout goddamn time you showed up 140 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,533 with the crack, nigga. - Nah, nah, you got it wrong. 141 00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:10,333 I'm here for Cracky. - Uh, which one? 142 00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:12,867 My wife or my daughter? - I'm hoping your daughter. 143 00:06:12,867 --> 00:06:14,833 - Oh, no, no, no-- I can't sell my daughter. 144 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,800 See, that's what got me locked up the last time. 145 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,633 - Now, Crocodile, I know you didn't sell my grandbaby! 146 00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:21,933 - Oh, Momma, shut up, please! 147 00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:25,667 I'm trying to do business. - Where's the TV? 148 00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:28,767 - I sold the TV, Momma. You know I'm sick! 149 00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:31,833 - Uh, I can come back. - Hold on, Grover! 150 00:06:34,133 --> 00:06:36,333 - Hey, Grover, I see you met my father. 151 00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:40,200 - Damn, Cracky. - Actually, my name is Patricia. 152 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,533 - Oh-- 153 00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:42,800 You trying to fuck with my daughter? 154 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,767 See, well, there's rules to that shit. 155 00:06:44,767 --> 00:06:48,167 Rule number one, the first hour is $25. 156 00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,500 - Wait, what? - Oh, man, come on now. 157 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,733 Ju-just gimme ten then, baby. 158 00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:53,567 - Crocodile, get yo ass in this house, 159 00:06:53,567 --> 00:06:55,433 and stop trying to sell the baby. 160 00:06:55,433 --> 00:06:56,300 - Oh, come on now, Momma. 161 00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,667 You know I'm sick! 162 00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,867 - So what did you wanna talk to me about? 163 00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:02,067 We're still going to the dance, right? 164 00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:04,967 - Oh, hell yeah-- we still going to the dance. 165 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:07,500 As fine as you is, I'm going to be a legend, 166 00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:09,067 and you going to be a legina. 167 00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,067 Selfie. 168 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:20,067 - Ah! Ah! What the hell? 169 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:21,733 - So that's what you like? You can have that bitch then. 170 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:24,067 Go be with that bitch. Go be with her. 171 00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:24,800 Be with that bitch. - Who? 172 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,433 - Ah! 173 00:07:26,433 --> 00:07:27,667 - Don't play dumb, my nigga. 174 00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:29,867 I seen you thinking about that hoe. 175 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,733 - Gee whiz, I wasn't. I swear, babe. 176 00:07:32,733 --> 00:07:34,133 I wasn't thinking of anyone but you. 177 00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:35,067 - Nuh-uh, nigga. 178 00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:35,900 You don't think I can read minds? 179 00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:38,533 I can see inside you, motherfucker. 180 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:39,700 - Hey, look, I'm real-- - Shut up. 181 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,900 You make me sick. 182 00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:44,800 - Oh, my God, what is this? 183 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,600 - Keep it. It's a promise blade. 184 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,933 You don't cheat on me, 185 00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:52,067 and I promise I won't cut your motherfucking face off. 186 00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:53,600 Love ya. 187 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,233 - Uh, what the fuck just happened? 188 00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:56,167 Is you good? 189 00:07:56,167 --> 00:07:58,333 - Oh, she just passionate, homey. 190 00:07:58,333 --> 00:07:59,500 - Damn, girl, you look dope. 191 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:01,933 - You need help hauling that junk in the trunk? 192 00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:03,933 - Is all this attention for me? 193 00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:06,067 - And me. We the new "it" couple. 194 00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:09,433 Grover and Patricia. But y'all can call us Grotricia. 195 00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:12,800 Uh, guys, this is Cracky, AKA Patricia. 196 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,433 - Uh, hey, fellas. 197 00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:15,900 - Damn... 198 00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,100 aye, she look good with a shower and a middle tooth. 199 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,633 - I see you, Grove. You got yourself a bad one. 200 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:21,867 - Oh, man, she look good. 201 00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:22,667 God damn, nigga, you lucky as fuck. 202 00:08:22,667 --> 00:08:24,800 - Now that I got Patricia, 203 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,967 I don't even need to chase after Cindy no more. 204 00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:28,900 Randy can have her. - Good work, Grove. 205 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:30,400 Welcome to the smash bros. 206 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,200 - Well, what about me? - You can have Rhiyonce. 207 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,067 - She's sloppy as fuck. What happened to her? 208 00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:37,833 - She and Griselda got into it. Rhiyonce had her for a minute, 209 00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:40,667 but you know how passionate Griselda is. 210 00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:44,067 Anyway, enjoy. That mouth still Lebron. 211 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:49,933 Hey, Big Baby Boo. What you up to? 212 00:08:49,933 --> 00:08:51,833 - Don't you Baby Boo me. 213 00:08:51,833 --> 00:08:53,500 You been hiding ever since they announced 214 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,067 the Shirley Chisholm Dance. 215 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,467 - Girl, wasn't nobody ducking you. 216 00:08:56,467 --> 00:09:00,733 You know you my main. 217 00:09:00,733 --> 00:09:02,967 Now go ahead, hurry up, and ask me. 218 00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:04,267 Your mom's gonna need time 219 00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:06,233 to stitch them three dresses together. 220 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:09,600 - Fuck you, nigga. I'm going with a real man. 221 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,800 - The fuck? I can't believe this. 222 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,133 Mumblemouth? What? - Aye, man, you-- 223 00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:14,833 you know you can mumble these nuts in yo mouth? 224 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,100 - That's my job now. 225 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:19,867 Come on, baby. You can mumble in this jungle. 226 00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,167 - I used to mumble in her jungle. 227 00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:26,333 It looks like it's just you and me, Rhiyonce. 228 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,433 What the fuck? 229 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:30,700 - You know the game, boy. Yo bitch chose me. 230 00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:36,900 - Hold on now. Time out. 231 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,800 Hey, my name is Jeffery the Referee. 232 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,733 Yeah, I know it rhymes. 233 00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:44,833 So look, my wife and I is on break... 234 00:09:44,833 --> 00:09:47,067 - Damn, even the ref is hollering at yo girl. 235 00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:49,733 - That's what happens when you have a bad one. 236 00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:51,600 - You wanna see my resume? 237 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,067 - Being with a bad bitch is starting to make me feel bad, 238 00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:59,067 and like a bitch. Where you been? 239 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:00,000 - And what's up with the hoodie? 240 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,133 - Stop asking me all these questions. 241 00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:04,400 It's not her fault. - Whose fault? 242 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,900 - Oh, shit. - Damn, who beat yo ass? 243 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,333 - Griselda, but I deserved it. 244 00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:11,033 I shouldn't have asked Siri for directions in front of her. 245 00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:12,967 I should've just stayed lost, my nig. 246 00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:15,000 I'm sorry. I--I love you. 247 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,200 - What the fuck is happening to us, man? 248 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,867 I lost my girl to a guy who can't talk. 249 00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:22,300 Milk is being abused by a dime. 250 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,133 It's like "Freaky Friday After Next." 251 00:10:25,133 --> 00:10:26,800 - Shirley Chisholm Dance turned us into 252 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,133 some straight bitches. 253 00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:29,867 - It's turned y'all into some bitches. 254 00:10:29,867 --> 00:10:31,233 I'm still a ledge. 255 00:10:31,233 --> 00:10:34,867 - I used to be a legend until Medina abandoned me. 256 00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,600 I miss her so much. 257 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,033 The sweat under her titties-- 258 00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:41,367 it smelled like all-you-can-eat garlic knots. 259 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:44,733 - Are you crying over some poontang, motherfucker? 260 00:10:44,733 --> 00:10:47,133 It's okay to be fat, son, 261 00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:49,167 but fat and a bitch will never get you no pussy. 262 00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:50,600 Do you understand what I'm saying to you, 263 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:54,167 you fat bitch? 264 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,033 - I'm trying to be helpful, you fat bitch. 265 00:10:56,033 --> 00:11:01,733 Man, I look like Fat Albert. 266 00:11:01,733 --> 00:11:04,833 - Hey, hey, hey, I ain't that fat, nigga. 267 00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,900 You better get your shit together, Jamal. 268 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,300 You got 24 hours to lose this weight. 269 00:11:30,667 --> 00:11:34,300 Yes! - No, you still fat, nigga. 270 00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:48,733 Hey, hey, hey, you still got a fat ass. 271 00:11:48,733 --> 00:11:50,900 - Dysmorphia. 272 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:52,633 - Long day? 273 00:11:52,633 --> 00:11:56,167 - Girl, since you made me over, the boys won't leave me alone. 274 00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:57,667 Is it always like this? 275 00:11:57,667 --> 00:12:01,067 - The kinda guys you attract, they'll mess with anybody. 276 00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:03,100 - I used to want the attention from the boys, 277 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:06,067 but now all I get is penis pics all day. 278 00:12:07,167 --> 00:12:09,367 See? - Bitch, that's Randy's. 279 00:12:09,367 --> 00:12:11,533 I can tell by the two-tone foreskin. 280 00:12:11,533 --> 00:12:12,767 - Oh, you want me to forward it to you? 281 00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:15,200 - No, you can keep it. 282 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,100 Apparently, you're a bone collector. 283 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:20,300 - Whoa, Cindy, you're sounding kinda jealous. 284 00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,867 - Jealous? Why would I be? 285 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,400 I'm still the hottest girl in school. 286 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,600 - Not according to the leaderboard. 287 00:12:28,867 --> 00:12:29,567 - What the fuck? You're hotter than me? 288 00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:31,600 Are you kidding? 289 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,433 - I didn't ask for three terabytes of junk mail. 290 00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:35,333 - Three? Oh, bitch, you bragging? 291 00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:37,167 - No, I didn't want any of this. 292 00:12:37,167 --> 00:12:41,067 - Oh, okay, now you acting all coy and shit. 293 00:12:41,067 --> 00:12:43,067 - I don't even know what coy means. 294 00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:45,467 Look I gotta go. - Where you going? 295 00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:48,367 I was just kidding. Well, fuck you! 296 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,733 Who put you together? Me. That's who. 297 00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:52,433 Who made you popular? Me. 298 00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:55,933 Who do I trust? Me. 'Cause I'm the shit. 299 00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:03,233 - I wanna give you a pregnancy scan. 300 00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:06,900 - Ooh, yeah... - Let me bust one up in you. 301 00:13:10,767 --> 00:13:12,833 Leave me alone! 302 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,167 I am not a breezy, a thot, 303 00:13:14,167 --> 00:13:18,100 a hot piece of ass, or a bad bitch. 304 00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,133 I am a human being. 305 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,800 - Hey, hey, what is you guys doing? 306 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:22,933 Leave my date alone. 307 00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:25,200 Is you okay? - No, I'm not okay. 308 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,500 This was all a mistake. I'm sorry, Grover. 309 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:29,367 I'm not going to be able to go to the dance with you. 310 00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:33,267 - No date for the dance? Now I'm really fucked. 311 00:13:33,267 --> 00:13:35,267 - Tough break, kid. - Yeah, sucks. 312 00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:38,100 - Look, son, I know you got a lot on your mind, 313 00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:40,067 but did she say anything about my dick pic? 314 00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:41,167 - Oh, man, come on. 315 00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:47,233 - Look at what I went through. 316 00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:49,167 It took hours to pluck, wax 317 00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:50,133 add new hair, shave old hair off, 318 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,733 paint my nails, put on foundation, 319 00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:53,867 and for what? 320 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,167 I've already seen every dick in Chamberlain Heights. 321 00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,367 You ain't seen mine. 322 00:13:57,367 --> 00:13:58,467 - What? - Nothing. 323 00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:01,467 Who cares about the dance? 324 00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:03,300 Let's go to the movies. 325 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,267 We could watch that new Marlon Wayans movie, 326 00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:07,333 "Twelve Mo' Years a Slave: Still Slavin'." 327 00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,700 - What about the dance? 328 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,333 What's the point of going out if no one see us? 329 00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:11,533 I mean, this is your first dance. 330 00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:14,400 Don't you wanna document it? You and me together, 331 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,400 all over Facebook and Instagram, killing it. 332 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,800 Don't let them rob us of this opportunity to shine. 333 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,367 We're Grotricia, remember? 334 00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:23,300 - You're right. I've never been to a dance. 335 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:26,600 I tell you what, I'll go under one condition. 336 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,333 I go as myself. - For sheezy. 337 00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:31,633 - Ah! - What you doing? 338 00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:34,233 - First of all, you owe me for a jumbo. 339 00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:37,067 And second, this is just who I am, Grover. 340 00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:38,833 - Please, can you at least wait to go back to being a crackhead 341 00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:40,167 till after the dance? 342 00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:43,467 - Look, Grover, if you wanna go with me, 343 00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:45,800 it's going to be as Cracky. 344 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:50,333 Oh, man. 345 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:51,700 All right, hold on. 346 00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:54,133 Let me get a few more pictures before you do it. 347 00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:56,267 Hold up, where's my phone? - I sold it. 348 00:14:56,267 --> 00:14:59,300 - You sold it? - You know I'm sick! 349 00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,767 - Need more diet pills. 350 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,600 - Jamal? Damn, you look good. 351 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:20,067 - Nothing tastes as good as skinny looks and feels. 352 00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,533 - I can't believe I'm asking this, 353 00:15:21,533 --> 00:15:23,267 but would you go with me to the dance? 354 00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:24,667 - Hell yes. 355 00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:26,933 Let me just lose these fat love handles right quick, 356 00:15:26,933 --> 00:15:29,767 and I'll be ready to go. 357 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,533 Can you open this for me? 358 00:15:52,233 --> 00:15:55,400 - Give me that eggplant. 359 00:15:55,400 --> 00:16:00,600 - Ah! - I paid for Olive Garden. 360 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,467 - Bro, the great thing about me 361 00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:04,500 is, like, I don't even need to work out. 362 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,267 Like, all of this is natural. 363 00:16:06,267 --> 00:16:08,433 Bro, not to toot my own horn or anything, 364 00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:11,067 but, like, did you know that I'm actually flexible enough 365 00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:12,633 to toot my own horn? 366 00:16:12,633 --> 00:16:14,233 And by that I mean I-- 367 00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:16,600 I'm this close to fucking you. 368 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,733 - You better not be looking at any other girl in here. 369 00:16:19,733 --> 00:16:21,767 Boy, look at me when I'm talking to you. 370 00:16:21,767 --> 00:16:23,633 What are you doing? Don't look at me. 371 00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:26,433 Keep your eyes down. What do you think of my dress? 372 00:16:26,433 --> 00:16:27,600 - I think it-- - Shut up! 373 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,167 I don't wanna hear it! Gimme a kiss... 374 00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:32,700 like you mean it! 375 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,267 Keep crying, hear. 376 00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:35,733 I'ma use your tears for lubricant. 377 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,633 - Looks like everybody's having fun. 378 00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,300 Don't think they'll be thinking about us. 379 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,600 - Yeah, great. 380 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,900 - Who's Cindy with? - Who's that? 381 00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:48,867 - He look good. 382 00:16:48,867 --> 00:16:52,067 - It sounds like there are people here. 383 00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:54,267 Are there people here, Cindy? 384 00:16:54,267 --> 00:16:55,133 - Hey, everybody. 385 00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,667 - Holy shit. Jamal? 386 00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:59,367 - Looks like someone let the air out of you. 387 00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:01,500 You all right? - Who's that? 388 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:05,067 Is that you, white Jesus? 389 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,100 Is it time to go to heaven? 390 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,600 - Jesus was black, homey. 391 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,067 They had a documentary on him on Adult Swim. 392 00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:12,167 - What happened to you? 393 00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:15,233 - Well, I didn't wanna be the only one without a date, 394 00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,500 so I lost all this weight. 395 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,433 Now I'm here with Cindy. 396 00:17:19,433 --> 00:17:23,500 Well, at least it feels like Cindy. 397 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:27,200 - Ooh, I like that. Mm, what's your name? 398 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,067 - Uh-uh, bitch, he's here with me. 399 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,933 - Who you calling bitch? 400 00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:33,433 - You, bitch. 401 00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,667 - I'm so glad I didn't let her suck the nine. 402 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:38,967 - Come with it! 403 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,467 - Whoa... hey... 404 00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,867 - Oh, girl, oh. 405 00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:07,600 - Worldstar. 406 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:08,333 - Yeah. 407 00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:14,533 - Ooh! A titty popped out. 408 00:18:14,533 --> 00:18:18,133 - What's it look like? Someone describe it to me. 409 00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:20,067 Is it ham or beef? 410 00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:21,067 - Oh, bitch, oh! 411 00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:25,400 Cat fight! Cat fight! 412 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,067 Cat fight! Cat fight! Cat fight! Cat fight! 413 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,533 - Enough! 414 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:33,333 This empowerment dance turned us into monsters. 415 00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:36,233 But Shirley Chisholm, 416 00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:39,067 the woman this dance was named after, 417 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,867 was a pioneer. 418 00:18:40,867 --> 00:18:43,267 - Shut up, bitch. Make me a sandwich. 419 00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:47,067 - I'd like some sourdough bread if you can, bitch. 420 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:47,833 - That's real talk, though. 421 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:50,600 - I will not make you a sandwich. 422 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,733 Those days are over. 423 00:18:52,733 --> 00:18:54,233 When someone told Shirley Chisholm 424 00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:57,900 to make a sandwich, she told them to "suck my dick." 425 00:18:57,900 --> 00:18:58,900 I think. 426 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,933 Uh, I was high when I read about it. 427 00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,100 The point is, 428 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,333 Shirley Chisholm didn't wanna be remembered 429 00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:05,933 for making sandwiches. 430 00:19:05,933 --> 00:19:10,067 She wanted to be remembered as a woman who had guts. 431 00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:13,500 Do you girls wanna be remembered as a thot 432 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,600 or a woman with thoughts? 433 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,433 - Ooh, what's this I'm feeling? 434 00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:19,533 It's all warm and tingly, 435 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,533 like I wanna cover my ass up and shit. 436 00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:23,633 - It's called self-respect. 437 00:19:23,633 --> 00:19:25,067 - Oh, like, yeah, 438 00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,633 I--I don't think I want my titties out either. 439 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,867 - This wig been itching me all day. 440 00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:31,900 - Oh, snap! - Oh, oh, no. 441 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,433 - That's what it looks like without makeup! 442 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:36,167 No! 443 00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:38,500 - They making a break for it. Lock the door. 444 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:41,300 - Way ahead of you. 445 00:19:43,867 --> 00:19:46,067 - Oh, you guys are gonna learn to like us for who we are, 446 00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:49,067 even if we have to beat the sexism out of you. 447 00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:50,500 all: Ah! 448 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,900 - I think next year, 449 00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,667 we should plan out the next Shirley Chisholm dance better. 450 00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:01,067 I lost Cindy to Cracky, and Patricia to crack. 451 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,833 - At least everything's back to normal, 452 00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:04,767 where men are men and thots are thots. 453 00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:05,533 - Mm-mm-mm! - Damn, girl. 454 00:20:05,533 --> 00:20:08,333 - Well, almost everything. 455 00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:14,633 Thanks for nursing me back to health. 456 00:20:14,633 --> 00:20:15,867 - You got it, boo. 457 00:20:15,867 --> 00:20:17,100 I'm sorry for not asking you to the dance. 458 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,133 I just can't let you take me for granted. 459 00:20:19,133 --> 00:20:21,500 But after not having anyone to share second lunch 460 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,800 and third dessert with, 461 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,133 I realized that you're the only one for me, Jamal. 462 00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:31,700 - You just gonna sit there and watch them make out? 463 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,633 - Nah, man, now that Griselda ain't allowed 464 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,033 within 100 yards of me, 465 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,400 I got some making up to do with Rhiyonce. 466 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,233 What you gonna get into, Grove? 467 00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:40,733 - Well, there go Cindy. 468 00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:42,933 I'm 'bout to go holler before Randy bitch ass get back. 469 00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:45,067 - You're back! - Hells yizzas! 470 00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:46,567 In the immortal words of Nick Cannon, 471 00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:49,367 "You can't get rid of me. I'm here forever." 472 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,400 - Nick Cannon is hilarious. 473 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,667 - He can rap too. 474 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,600 - Now everything's back to normal. 475 00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:03,533 - You know I'm sick!